This year I decided to spend my fall break at my parent's house. For the two-hour drive from the crusty, poor and lifeless South Philadelphia suburb through the rich forest-land that Washington led his men through, to the miles of farmland that Route 202 cuts through, and finally onto Route 78 that literally almost brings me to my door step, the only thing I could think about was what kinds of platters of rich deserts, fountains over-flowing with liquid chocolate clean enough to give a baptism in, mounds of exotic freshly cooked meats and barrages of colorful vegetables my parents would be feeding me while I basked in front a television large enough to be considered a Megatron screen in Yankee Stadium.
While arriving through the front door I was greeted by my mother rushing out to meet my father at Ben Benson's Steak House - and I was NOT invited. One of the main reasons I came home was to be served endless dishes of food by my parents. After spending 20 minutes sulking on my kitchen floor and throwing temper tantrums, I was left with no other option than to cook for myself.
After looking through the cabinets, fridge and freezer as if I was with Steve Zissou on a deep search mission for the great and wondrous Jaguar Shark, I was at a dead end. I couldn't find anything to fill the hunger that was radiating from my belly to my eyes.
My next best idea came without much thought as I already found my hand running in warm faucet water before I realized what kind of maneuver I was about to perform. I flew the freezer door open and lunged my soaked arm into the arctic blast of frozen wonders. The first item my hand became frozen to was the item I would soon devour. Once the numbing tingles began sparking in my hand I slowly removed the mystery item. Ah ha! Alas! Excitement jolted throughout my body because the hamburger shaped clump of tinfoil I salvaged from the freezer likely contained frozen GROUND BEEF in the shape of A HAMBURGER!. There was no need to check, I knew exactly what this was. This two-pound block of tinfoil contained a demonic beef beast that was created by the devils advocate - its soul purpose was to send its victim into a chronic state of inebriation.
I ran to the grill and began the preparation. Once the propane-powered Weber Grill Master was breathing fire I delicately unwrapped this beast and initiated a staring contest. I plopped that womping burger on the burning grates and closed the dungeon door. I prepared my condiments...onions, tomatoes, spicy brown horseradish mustard and ketchup. Finally, the death match was ready. I used english muffins to enhance the burger experience.
I felt like that guy on the McDonald's commercials holding a perfectly crafted burger with a smile stretching from ear to ear. I sat outside on this beautiful early-October late-afternoon in an Adirondack chair staring out over a sea of fallen leaves holding one of the largest burgers I've ever made. I seriously couldn't have asked for anything better.
As my teeth sunk into this slender piece of meat, its juices ran down my fingers and face I began to cry.
SANDWICH SORCERER
"As my teeth sunk into this slender piece of meat, its juices ran down my fingers and face I began to cry."
ReplyDeleteLOL